Imagine my surprise, Wednesday morning, when my phone lit up—just as I happened to glance at it—with a text. From G.I. Jim.
For three months, I’ve been wanting to hear from him, not wanting to hear from him, getting over him. And truthfully, I’m mostly over him. I miss what was, a year ago, when he flirted and kissed me and made a bit of an effort. But I know, too, that it was never enough for me and never will be. I know that he is still with her, the new one.
At first I was angry. Why is he texting me when he’s with someone else? Who feels good about their boyfriend/girlfriend texting someone they once slept with? I wouldn’t. Does she even know he’s still reaching out to me?
The message was simply a link. We always did enjoy sending articles to each other and talking about politics, feminism, world events. Still, it felt stupid. Three months of nothing, and then all you have the balls to do is send me a link?
My friends, bless ‘em, all chimed in. “Ignore him!” They see him as this Bad Guy because I was hurt when he chose someone else, because he texts me when he’s in a relationship with her, etc. I admit, I have a harder time seeing him as wholly bad…immature, definitely (I still have his contact info saved on my phone under the name Little Boy Lost), and unable to make any sort of big decisions about his life (at last Facebook spying, he’s still NOT a cop, which he’s been going for as long as I’ve known him). Intellectually, I know he’s a terrible pick for me, but my emotional side remembers what it felt like to be with him. Conundrum.
I wasn’t going to reply, but after 24 hours, curiosity got the better of me and I responded with a simple, “Cool!” His response was immediate. “I thought of you. Hope you’re doing well!” So I wrote back, “Very well. Insanely busy, kicking ass, taking names, etc.”
"I bet! Keep in touch!" With that response from him, I let it go. I didn’t reply, and figured if he wants to keep in touch, he’ll make an effort.
Thing is, more than anything, I miss the friendship. I miss discussing politics and feminism with him, I miss the mad respect he had for my mind. I just don’t see how I can have that from him while he’s in a relationship with someone else—a serious one, where he feels like a father figure to her young daughter. It feels like I’d be taking something away from his girlfriend, and even though I don’t know her, I can’t be that person. I’m better than that, and I deserve better than that.
So, there it is. I got what I wished for, and I heard from him. And then I went back to my life as it is now. I have asses to kick and names to take.